What should kids call their private parts? How do I explain where babies come from? Should I give my child a heads up about puberty? When should we have the “big talk”? These are just a few of the many questions you might have about talking with your child about sex. The sooner you get comfortable with discussing the topic, the smoother future chats will go, so get some tips and talking points for explaining “the birds and the bees” to kids of all ages.
Ages 0-3: Exploring Their Bodies and Learning the Terms
Little ones are just getting to know their bodies. As toddlers, they become aware of gender and are somewhat curious about the differences between boys and girls.
- Set a serious yet low-key and open tone about sexuality issues. It’s normal for babies and toddlers to touch their genitals during diaper changes and bath time, and for baby boys to have frequent erections. Try to act casual about your child’s interaction with his genitals, rather than calling attention to it by laughing, making weird faces, or getting angry at your child.
- Teach your child the proper names of body parts from your child’s infancy on — without giggling — so you don’t need to make the leap from nicknames to the proper names later on. “Making up names for body parts may give the idea that there is something bad about the proper name,” according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Using proper terms can empower your child to talk freely about medical issues, and learn about and report sexual abuse without feeling like it is taboo.
- Begin talking about the genitals around age 2, according to Talking to Your Kids About Sex by Dr. Laura Berman. Teach kids the words penis and testes for the male genitals and vulva and vagina for female genitals. Vulva is the name for the general area of soft skin covering the female genitalia; the vagina is technically the actual vaginal canal — explain both terms so that kids become familiar with them over time.
- Let babies and toddlers “let it all hang out” at home. Toddlers especially love being naked. But tell your child which parts are private (the parts covered by a bathing suit), and explain that it’s not okay to show or touch your private parts in public.